Vulnerable Before God
I have had a good day of therapy. I spent two hours at Northern Colorado Rehab Hospital with physical and occupational therapy. Then this afternoon I was feeling good enough to spend a good amount of time at our local swimming pool.
When I was at therapy, Julie, one of the occupational therapists, told me she picked up on the news story about me from last week on the internet while she was sitting at the beach on vacation. She said, “Ken you have gone viral.” Not sure if that is true, but that’s better than having a “virus.”
Last night our community had a “neighborhood night out.” I met a young mom who contracted West Nile Virus about the same time that I did last year. I don’t believe she was ever hospitalized but has battled with the effects of the virus over this last year. She has battled off and on some paralysis, weakness and fatigue and the impact the virus can have on your mind and emotions. This also seems like a common effect of West Nile. I really felt sorry for her and her apparent struggles and will keep her in my prayers and ask you to do the same.
BIBLE VERSE FOR TODAY… “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Psalm 139:23,24
When I read these verses, I have to admit they make me nervous. It is easy to ask the Lord for things; whether healing, patience, forgiveness, or to meet a financial or other practical need. When I ask God to “show me, me” that’s a different issue. It’s like asking a friend for an “honest appraisal” of a speech or an aspect of your life. Afterwards you want to respond, “I didn’t want you to be that honest!”
We think we know ourselves. Even those things we don’t want others to know. And we know that God knows. But to be open to what God knows and sees that we don’t is another thing. It requires us to come to a place of vulnerability and contrition that says “Lord here I am, know me, show me, cleanse me, change me…”
This is a scary prayer (for me any way), but the goal is to confront, address, and move forward with the Lord in the “way everlasting.” It is like being willing to face a physical diagnosis that we would like to avoid. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. It has to be diagnosed, and treated for there to be full health in our bodies. The same applies to our spiritual life.
A year ago as I was unable to move and cognitively had a hard time understanding what was happening, I was still aware of my communication with the Lord. As I was “laid bare” in terms of my physical health, it seemed like the time to allow God’s Holy Spirit to do His work on me as well.
There is an old hymn from my youth that I recall, that is based on these verses. The words are as follows:
Search me, O God, and know my heart today,
Try me, O Savior, know my thoughts, I pray;
See if there be some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin, and set me free.
Lord, take my life, and make it wholly Thine;
Fill my poor heart with Thy great love divine;
Take all my will, my passion, self and pride;
I now surrender, Lord, in me abide.
When we are clean on the inside as well as the outside, we feel better about ourselves and our world.